Recently my husband, Rick, and I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary. I thought it would be rather timely to give 10 reasons why I'm saying Chow Fun's. Or, if you prefer, 10 reasons why I choose to stay married to Rick.
It sounds like a clichéd reason to give, but nevertheless it is still true. Rick genuinely loves spending time with the kids. He's always thinking of the next adventure he can have with his boys!
His latest adventure was camping with them in the backyard. We had a campfire and toasted marshmallows, then he and the boys settled in the tent and watched "Space Chimps".
When Rick proposed to me, he started by making a speech about those occasions when you really wish you had a blue pen, but only have a red pen. He told me that you end up using the red pen because you need to write, and it's all you have. Then he pulled out of his pocket a Spice Girls ring he had bought from a vending machine, and asked me to marry him. I managed to say yes through a fit of giggles.
On many occasions Rick has had me laughing so hard my cheeks have cramped up. He makes things FUN.
I know when I want to talk with Rick about my feelings, a concept, an idea, or even a current world event, he will always have an interesting take on it. We have many conversations which last for hours. He often considers his life and how he can improve or change things to make it better. As a case in point, he recently stuck his thoughts about how starting our evening routine at 5:30pm would have a positive impact on our family life on the "family noteboard" (the cupboard in the family room).
Rick not only learns about principles, he also puts them into practice. (He's not just full of hot air.) He has motivation to make things happen. He has built his own business from scratch, and that takes persitence and action.
Rick will never let a weakness cause him to make excuses for himself. Around the age of 3 or 4 Rick developed a stutter. I don't need to say that this made life fairly difficult for him. However, at the age of 20 he went to New Zealand for 2 years on a mission. He found it extremely difficult to teach with his stutter. He could have accepted it and made it his excuse to be unhappy and unable to do what he was required to do. He didn't. He worked hard for those 2 years to overcome his stutter with a lot of reading aloud and practicing speech techniques to compensate. When I met Rick (after his mission) he was 25 and I had no idea that he was a stutterer. I recently heard an audio tape of Rick talking before his mission, and as I struggled to understand what he was saying, I realised how amazing it is that now he has managed to wipe nearly every sign of his stutter from his speech. (In fact, I only notice those tiny signs because I KNOW he has a stutter, if you didn't know, there would be absolutely no way you'd be able to tell.)
I don't just mean this in the most obvious sense of the word. I mean it in all its shapes and forms.
In the most obvious sense of being loyal, I know that Rick would never cheat on me, or even let himself be tempted. He takes to heart the scripture about Joseph, who was tempted by Potiphar's wife:
"And she caught him by his garment, saying, Lie with me: and he left his garment in her hand, and fled, and got him out."
Joseph didn't um and ah, he didn't say "no thanks" and walk away, he ran out of there so fast his clothes were ripped from his body! Rick believes whole-heartedly in this kind of loyalty.
Rick is also loyal in the sense of being an all-weather friend (as opposed to a fair-weather friend.) Through all my ups and downs, and even my recent decision to leave the church which is a massive part of his life, he has stayed with me.
One last sense of his loyalty I'll mention is his being loyal to me when I'm absent. He never speaks a bad word about me behind my back. You may wonder how I know. Well, I have asked people - people who I know would be honest with me. Even if we've had a huge blow-up argument and he has every reason in the world to vent about me to other people, he won't speak a bad word about me to anyone else. I have never once heard reports back to me of ill words that Rick has spoken about me. I do, however, hear many reports of loving and admiring things he has said of me.
I realised, on our 10th anniversary, that I have spent over a third of my life with Rick. Because of this, he really knows me. He knows my heart as well as my little traits and quirks. He doesn't require me to answer his every sentence, because he knows that sometimes I just don't feel like talking, not even to say, "Hmmm". He forgives my wrongdoings very easily, because he knows the trends of my life, and that if I slip up, I'll always try to make it better. He knows when I'm just having a bad day and he can forgive my grumpiness on those days, because tomorrow I'm going to apologise for it.
I should point out that his knowing me hasn't just happened as a by-product of the time we've spent together. He's worked at it - by observing, by listening to me and by having a desire to really understand me.
I've encountered many people in my life that find it very difficult to admit when they're wrong and apologise. I find it very frustrating, and sometimes heartbreaking. I am the type of person who is always eager to forgive, so it's hard when I want to make amends with someone who has hurt me and they are unwilling to simply say they are sorry.
Rick's not one of these people. He readily apologises for things he may do to upset me or hurt me. He hasn't always been like this, mind you. In the beginning of our relationship I was the first to apologise most of the time. Now, however, it could be either of us who is the first to apologise after an argument. Sometimes Rick will apologise even when I don't feel he's been the perpetrator of an argument - he will simply do it because I have been hurt, and he feels conscientiously that he needs to make things right.
Rick and I have many similiarities, but I think it is our opposing strengths and weaknesses which really make us "fit". For example, I can be uptight at times, and Rick can be very easy-going. He has taught me how to relax more over the years.
On the other hand, I am sensitive to people's needs, and Rick can be a bit of a joker and overlook this need to be sensitive. So, conversely over the years, he has become a lot more sensitive and compassionate because of me.
I know I've borrowed this line directly from The Story of Us, but no other phrase seemed to fit. Rick and I are family. We've built a life together. He has been there with me for most of my adult life, and he truly is a part of me now. I don't have many adult memories without him in it. We are inextricably intertwined.
We have given life to 3 children. He has been there for each of their entrances into the world. Here is a moment from our lives:
Our second son, Truman, had just been born, and was less than an hour old in this video. (Please excuse the dopiness of my voice - I had just given birth!)
Rick was there, at that moment, sharing all of those sights, sounds, and emotions with me. No-one else could ever do that, because it has been - the fabric has been woven.
And then, 3 years later, he was still there, celebrating Truman's 3rd birthday with us - laughing; joking; helping to animate that moment in our life.
Now here it is, more than 3 years after that, and he's still here.
And, if I am extremely fortunate, he will always be here, for the rest of my days.
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